Frater Intercido
by PunkVampy
Summary: Latin for Brother's Lost. Set after Changing Channels. Gabriel has a lot to think about. Memories the remember, and thoughts to set straight. But when Castiel asks him the one question that he had always feared...Gabriel was lost for words...Maybe the war in Heaven scarred him more than he was letting on. No Slash.


_**Ok, so I had a English exam, and part of it was writing a piece of descriptive and emotional writing. Now, I know it was a little risky, using the names and characters from a programme, but lets just say that my English teacher is probably nearly as old as one of the angels anyway. So she hasn't even heard of Supernatural. Anywho, I got an A* on this. And it only seemed right to transfer it to fanfic.**_

Frater Intercido is Latin for Brother's Lost. Don't ask. (if you must know I'm taught Latin at my school. Typical British, I know XD )

Enjoy!

Punk. (Alice)

The leaf seemed to fall in slow motion. Silently tumbling through the air, until it landed on the ground. Gabriel watched it fall, as he carelessly placed the rest of the candy bar in his mouth. Gabriel hardly ever let his wings out. Hardly ever. But he did. And it was the best feeling in the world. The feeling of the sunlight on his feathers, the cool summer breeze drifting through his golden hair. He sat in the clearing of the forest. Eyes glancing around, taking in every single possible sight. The sound of the birds tweeting in the sky, the leaves on the trees rustling in the wind. He looked up when he heard a squirrel natter to its mate. Gabriel watched silently as the two scampered up a tree trunk. He watched a bumble bee float to the ground, landing on a flower. Gabriel watched it do its work, gathering up the nectar and then moving onto another flower to start the process all over again.

Gabriel looked to the forest floor, again watching as the beetles scuttled around in the leaves, disappearing into tiny miniscule nooks and crannies, hidden from the world.

Sometimes Gabriel wished he could do just that. Hide away from anything and everything. Shut his eyes and be safe from the world, safe from harm….safe from the stupid war and the damn apocalypse.

But he wasn't. and for some stupid reason Gabriel couldn't bring himself to except that. The archangel stretched his wings out a little more, and hesitantly close his eyes.

Running in a field, being chased by his elder brothers, laughing, smiling, _living_.

The heat on his back…the wind in his hair as he was picked up and whirled around; Lucifer's smile and Michael's chuckle. Fathers proud eyes watching over the whole scene.

The first day at school. The knots in his stomach as he stared up at the building with wide eyes. …A hand being brushed through his hair, a kind smile when he looked up…And then words, whispered on the wind.  
"Don't worry Gabriel, I'm gunna be right behind you."

Gabriel looked away, staring back down at the forest floor. Lucifer was right behind him. All of his life he was always there. If he was scared or sick it would always be "Big brother's here….Don't worry little one, it's all gunna be better."  
The joy of seeing the fear in some bully's eyes when Gabriel folded his arms and said, "I'm telling my big brother!"

Lucifer didn't deserve that title now. He had changed. He wasn't the brother that Gabriel had grown up with, the person he idolized, tried to be exactly the same as…the person he would run to when something was wrong…

The person who he had to face soon. Gabriel was dreading it. Every time he took a breath, he was reminded of the monster his elder brother had become. The ice cold , harsh eyes that used to be so kind…so caring. The smile that was always filled with happiness, laughter or…when it was required, sympathy. A smile that haunted Sam Winchester, a smile that would be the last thing you would see before Lucifer killed you…. a smile that was the stuff of every nightmare.

Gabriel knew it wasn't his brother, and in a way that was what made him actually consider what Dean Winchester had told him.  
"And for the record, this isn't about some prize fight between your brothers, or some destiny that cant be stopped…this is about _you_ being too afraid to stand up to your family!"

Those words already haunted Gabriel, and yet they had been spoken in that warehouse, when he was trapped in the ring of fire… yesterday

_Guy's still a dick though. _

"Gabriel."

Gabriel didn't even have to turn to find out who it was. He just needed to listen to the voice.

"Castiel." He acknowledged, briefly glancing over at his trench coat cladded little brother. Gabriel managed a small, hollow smile. Castiel was just standing there like a gimp. No body language at all. Arms just hanging down by his sides. And that damn little head tilt.

Gabriel remember Castiel when he was a toddler; Always clinging onto someone or other, whether it was Balthazar, Gabriel himself or Joshua. And he was always watching…listening, young eyes taking in every aspect of whatever was in sight. Gabriel remembered sticky fingers, and big blue eyes peeping over the tabletop at him.

Gabriel looked his little brother up and down . _Would you just look at that? My little smish has grown up._

Smish.

_Heh heh. _

Gabriel smiled again, but this one was warmer. He always called Castiel smish. And he never really knew why. The little boy Castiel once was used to love the name, but the teenager however…not so much. Gabriel guessed that the name wouldn't be taken nicely when Castiel was at this age.

Castiel glanced down at the floor, before his ocean blue eyes met with Gabriel's satin green ones. "May I?"

Gabriel waved a hand dismissively. "Sure thing kiddo."

Castiel lowered himself down onto the ground, frowning slightly when he noticed something.  
"Brother…your wings…"

"I know."

For a while the two sat in silence. Gabriel sighed to himself. Castiel really had changed. And so had Balthazar. As soon as Lucifer rebelled and made the first demons, there had been an up roar in Heaven. And in the end it all resulted in a war. Gabriel hated wars. Especially when halfway through the high court ordered every child to be trained aswell. Which obviously meant having military skills drilled into a 18 year old Balthazar's head and a 6 year old Castiel's. And, not surprisingly, it had changed them. Castiel was a foot soldier. A pawn in a deadly game of chess. The act of taking orders had become so natural to him now.

_The kid even asked permission to sit down._

For the first time, Castiel spoke again.

"Gabriel, can I ask you something?"

Gabriel looked back down at the floor once again, poking at the soil with a twig. "Sure thing, kiddo."

"Why did you leave?"

The question took Gabriel aback at first. How did Castiel remember him leaving? He had been asleep at the time. He had made damn sure of it. Balthazar had been the one that had woken up. The one who had asked where he was going with his rucksack when they didn't have school for three weeks

There were so many reasons why he left. Michael and Lucifer were ofcourse, the main culprits but there were a few other things. He had lost friends in the war. Good friends…and someone that he loved…a girl that he thought would be by his side forever…a smile that was sweeter than honey, and more calming than a cool summers breeze…a smile that he had seen before he grace exploded out of her body and she died in his arms on the battlefield.

And…because he couldn't stand seeing what the war was doing to his little brothers.

But…he couldn't answer that. He couldn't say that to Casitel. Not when he had been standing there, in that warehouse along side Dean and Sam, yesterday…not when he had heard what Dean had said about not being able to stand up to his family….Castiel had heard that. All of it.

So, instead Gabriel did something else. He answered Castiel's question with another.

Castiel had to strain his ears to pick up what his elder brother said. It was so quiet, so faint…so unlike his brother that he nearly missed it.

"Why did you stay?"


End file.
